thank you......

((((((((((((((((((Heather))))))))))))))))))

memo to myself

I am useful
I am not worthless
I matter

Today I did a washing, swept the carpet, and made a spaghetti sauce for dinner, as well as other little things. I made myself get on with it.

So, I made an effort to feel useful; perhaps not a great amount of things in the great scheme of the universe, but nevertheless something.

I am sorting through my stash and looking at various ideas; I have started one or two things and am continuing with others.

I am keeping going.

Still the feeling of being lost and alone and so tired of it all persists. Trying my best to resist it.

Feel guilty for feeling like tbis, for grumbling. That doesn't make the feeling go away - it just compounds the guilt I feel over feeling this way in the first place.......

ok, mentally treading water, trying my best not to allow myself to become overwhelmed, and keeping going.

physical pain. ongoing and chronic, and fed up with it.

Missing my Duchess, missing H. Trying not to think about the death of those dear to me, past and future.

what a cheerful wee midden......

resolutions, and other things

inspiration from Knitty Fred......to match my stash to patterns, and (try) not to buy any more wool(yes, I still think of it as wool, whatever it's made of......trying to make myself say yarn, but am not there yet)

so, made a start this afternoon, and it was good, enjoyable....got the creative spark and juices flowing a bit, which was nice.

I've also started some crochet, which I'm liking; love the clover hooks, and the gorgeous knitpicks wooden one......

on another note: treated myself to some square circulars(from the US) and am finding them impossible to use: notn because of the squareness, ut because the cable is far too flexible - it's like trying to knit with cooked spaghetti. I know cables need to be flexible, but this is just impossible(for me) to use.......anyone else out there tried them?

just been playing a cd.....I'm going to blog about it on my other blog(yes, I have another one!) which is music based.....for anyone who might be interested, it's called

Colonel Carter's Cello

and with that I'll just wish a very happy new year and all the best to my 'regular suspects'(that's a compliment...from 'Casablanca')and to anyone who looks in or posts ...... you are most welcome here, thank you for visiting, and please do drop by again, either here, or over at the Cello..........

soothed by a dream

..........
making tea for Amelie, then walking with her, her arm round my shoulder, smiling down at me.......an image to close my eyes and see whenever I feel the panic rising.......

panic and confusion

everyone wants a piece of me and I can't cope

panic

everyone wants me to be something other than who and what I am and I can't cope

panic

all in little and bigger different ways till I wonder who I am and what I am and why

thank the universe for knitting

today

((((((((((((((((((((Heather and Amber)))))))))))))))))..........it really does help to have your support.......

the alpaca pi shawl for the hospice is coming on.....was doing a bit tonight but had to stop as it was making me all tearful; I think I might leave it for a little while and go back to it.

Remember the Mardi Gras Jitterbug from a wee while ago? It's turned into a lovely pair of fingerless mitts.....just one thumb to do and all done .....really bright and happy......someday when I can raise the energy and enthusiasm I'll have a photosession of lots of bits and pieces......

just remembered.......a wee while back I put a picture up of a lavender coloured pinwheel lapghan: that was for H., my friend who died. Sadly he didn't have long to use it........

very sad day

very dear friend died today. Closest thing to a best friend to me, going back many years, had been ill for some time and this was expected but still a shock when it happens. I didn't know whether to post here about it, but it might help......

have started a pink alpaca shawl for the hospice ......