in loving memory of a sweet fur baby

as some friends know, we had a complete litter of kittens, just over fourteen years ago, and Dear Duchess crossed the rainbow bridge a year ago....and I'm still not over that.

Last Monday, my dear husbadnd's birthday(76), who has been through two strokes and a brain haemmorhage, we had to have out beloved Toty put to sleep. She was his 'wee pal'.

she was......a particularly loving girl, a tomboy, a character, a daddy's girl; she would bring back a ball thrown for her, more like a wee sheepdog than a cat, but all cat for all that; she was brave and daring and beautiful and we loved her with all our hearts.

what do you do.......keep going; Socks, her sister, the Last of the Mohicans, is here and needing her own brand of love and cuddles. Not a cuddle cat; Toty had 'wee cuddles'(on my lap) or 'big cuddles'(on my shoulder and breast).

I love/d them all, Socks, Toty and the Duchess; and am right now mourning my sweet baby girl tomboy who gave so much and asked so little.

She was a 'disabled' cat - she needed constant care as she had had a corneal ulcer(due to veterinary misdiagnosis) when she was less than a year old, and for her whole life I had to make sure she had Viscotears at least once a day, and constant eye care.

I have lost someone who meant more to me than many people.

tuesday poem

oh life confusing
bewildering
frustrating
moments of panic
moments of nice
moments of memories long ago,
yet clear as though they are today.......

keep going keep going keep going
don't know the destination

Wollmeise

oh happy day....... got a Hertzblut on the update yesterday; I never seem to catch the updates, and to get such a gorgeous colour......... eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mick Jagger done me wrong.......

in the kitchen, radio on, decided to do some 'gentle exercise'........ ie moving to the music. Big mistake when trying to do a bit of movement a la Mick Jagger - ow ow ow ow ow........sore shoulder..... blame it on Brown Sugar.......

Mambo No. 5 Revisited

(a nod to Lou Bega's song "Mambo No. 5"..... just for me....)


a little bit of Amelie in my life
a little bit of k.d. by my side
a little bit of Rhona's all I need
a little bit of Hillary's what I see
a little bit of Xena in the sun
a little bit of Carter all night long
a little bit of Seven - here I am.......
a little bit of Hothead......Paisan!

Dr. Crusher's warp bubble

"The severity of agoraphobia varies enormously between sufferers from those who are housebound, even room-bound, to those who can travel specific distances within a defined boundary."

for some time(think years) I've had an increasing feeling that I had agoraphobia, but thought it meant only those who were unable to leave the house...... so told myself no, it can't be.

however, the distance I can safely(as in without anxiety) travel has been gradually getting less and less....and the occasions less and less.

yesterday I had one of those lightbulb moments - the episode of Star Trek: the next Generation where Beverly is caught in Wesley's warp bubble, and her 'universe' is contracting.......and that's exactly how I feel.

I had a surf and found the quote at the start of this post..... so, it seems I 'qualify'.......

now for more thought and search for information.......

in the meantime, it's ok to be in my own wee warp bubble: just knowing that will - hopefully - slow down or even stop it from contracting any further......

and even if this doesn't make sense to anyone else(though I suspect it will......), it does to me, and that is the main thing, ain't it?

to be continued........

boldly go