random ramble

struggling a bit today....what with, just myself; last week I sent a 'cut-off' letter to the vampire. I thought long and hard and left it written for several days before posting it.

anyway, I did, and felt a sense of calmness and detachment afterwards..and I think that's leaving me a little now. I don't know WHAT I feel, just that it's not particularly pleasant: but that's ok.

I wish I had an 'off' switch so that I could mute the sounds around me......very sensitive to noise at the best of times, and even more so when I'm in the midst of anything emotional. It's fine if it's my own noise of choosing - as in, if I'm listening to music on headphones; but every little rustle, every clink of a knife and fork on a plate, all the everyday sounds..they are magnified to a nreve shattering level(and earplugs don't do the trick - it's still there, just muffled a little)

and I just don't feel like speaking, and don't want to appear rude, or try to explain myself(which I couldn't anyway).....

but the bunnies in the draft box are well fed.. ;)

this and that, sort of......

so the M.S. situation is for now 'just M.E., still'....revisit it in a few months after trying a treatment for the new symptom....so far the side effects are not all that pleasant but I'll persevere......

the situation with the emotional vampire has reached 'critical mass'/'saturation point'.....or some expression like that: I have my final letter drafted out and ready to post.....

and I have realised that having worn my own knitted socks, I couldn't go back to 'ordinary': I had washed all my hand knitted ones, my feet were cold, so I put on a pair of shop socks and couldn't bear the feeling - just horrible; so my feet are sock spoiled ;)

it's quite incredible the difference in feel, touch, fit, just everything; actually, makes me feel quite good about my sock knitting: it might not be perfect, but then neither are my (long thin) feet.......and I seem to get by ok.......

home made socks and Doc Martens(boots or shoes) for comfort I say......

this and that

still elated for Amelie.....she has(wisely in my view) withdrawn from this week's Dubai tournament, as she would have had no chance to rest before playing again)

lovely picture of her in 'The Advocate'.....black and white; not read the article yet: just got it today, at Borders. Another addition to the Momorabilia box :)

Speaking of Dubai.....Shahar Peer, the Israeli player, has been refused a visa to play - the WTA's rules say that no country should refuse another player entry because of *their* country....meanwhile she will probably be given extra ranking points, no-one will do anything(boycott? as if........)and not much else if anything will be heard about it......hmph.......

I'm psyching myself up for a doctor's appointment on Friday, to discuss(again) the possibility of MS......more symptoms since the last time of discussion, a couple of years back, so we shall see.....

anyone who has any extra thoughts or prayers or anything of that nature, please send in this direction, for a bit of courage for me to keep the appointment in the first place, and try to get a bit of progress when I'm there.......I'm not religious but would like to think that there is something somewhere that's compassionate and helpful - not in a micro managing sort of way, but in a way I haven't the means to understand, if that makes sense....call it the Universe, the Powers That Be, whatever.....

oh, and I've started the scarlet Amelie socks! Watch this space........ ;)

SHE'S DONE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I waited, and watched, day by day, as she won, first one match, then the next day, again, and decided I couldn''t bring myself to post about it - as though I would jinx it or something.......

and so......

today......

the winner of today's final in Paris is.........

AMELIE MAURESMO

and what a wonderful sight it was; the whole match was a thriller, three sets of first class tennis...... and she won, and the emotions were flowing(here too) and it was lovely.

thrilling, in every way. I'm so pleased for her.

and......bought some scarlet alpaca(in hopeful anticipation) and will be making slouchy tube socks - comfy for relaxing after a hard match(and quicker and easier from the point of view of no heel: no worries about whether they will fit or not)

bliss.

afternoon delight

watching Amelie Mauresmo, playing like she did when she was at her best, dressed in my favourite shade of red, and looking magnificent......

afternoon delight in the midst of the chaos in my head: eye of the storm stuff and all that. Just wonderful.

allez, Amelie!

several days........

first of all, it may seem that all I ever do is grumble here......which may have some truth to it, as I use this place to vent and help myself a little: but, please, if you have time and inclination, do have a look at some of the links, especially the miscellany one......lots of interesting things to explore, including free downloads of every tv theme you can think of, highly addictive and very simple free games(orisinal) and many other things scattered about, on tennis, asperger's, knitting and other things .

so you see, it's not all moans and groans - also a repository of cyber bric-a-brac ;)

anyway.........the state of play right now:

- waiting for the other shoe to drop in the emotional vamp situation

- trouble at the weekend with new neighbours, which left me really distressed and disturbed

- considering moving house, and just the thought of that is stressful in itself

- a theoretical pleasant afternoon out yesterday(my first time out in the car for weeks) which turned into a nightmare, when the car gave up in the middle of the A1(which is a terrifying shit of a road as many people will know)....... no hard shoulder or layby or even strip of concrete to pull over onto: just a tiny bit of rubble beside a steep and very slippy grass verge........called AA - fortunately I had my mobile; but the sound of the traffic whizzing past was so bad I couldn't hear if I'd got through or not, so called police also...couldn't hear them either: called back and faintly heard policeman telling me to get into the car(which was not what I wanted to do, but did) so that I could hear on the phone......long story short, towed home by the AA complete with police escort......what a relaxing afternoon out :(

- already having tooth problems with a wisdom tooth coming in at each side(at the age of 53, am not impressed)and last night broke one of my front teeth: owwwwwwww.........fortunately had a dental appointment due so have got that covered, I hope......

- and just for the icing on the cake, a doctor's appointment on Monday to discuss tests for MS..........been explored before, more symptoms, need to see about it again.........

today's useful thing

swept, cleaned and mopped the kitchen floor, and chucked out a grotty rug. Doesn't seem like much, but is today's 'I am useful' thing. (I do think that 'I am useful' sounds better than 'I am not useless')

thanks, Heather........ ;)