Tuesday, 6 November 2007

weary, emotionally and physically.......

not a very good day, in that I'm feeling washed out and exhausted from overdoing things yesterday......the trouble with fibromyalgia is(or can be, for me)that when I have a day where I'm feeling good and full of energy, I try to cram too much into it....and in this case too much was only doing some washing and hanging it up, and some tidying up.

I know how ridiculous that sounds - saying that is 'too much' and 'overdoing it', and I also know that some people don't believe me. It is, however, a fact. I've been more or less called a liar by family members. This does not help.....upsetting in itself, and I sometimes fall back into feeling 'guilty' for being this way...I try not to, but it's difficult.

The emotional situation which I spoke of in an earlier post - involving a close family member, with whom I have to break my ties, at the very least for a few months, to try to gain some emotional recovery and a bit of strength(this person is an emotonal vampire.....drains every tiny bit of strength I have, wants more, and when I can't give what is asked for, will/cannot understand. She was a huge cause of my breakdown several years ago, and I feel myself headed in that direction once more, and so I'm trying to avoid that, as no matter how many times I try to explain my situation there is no progress, and I can no longer keep up the 'fight', for that's what it feels like )....that situation is also bringing me down, but it would be far worse to let it go on as it is; that just is not an option.

so it's difficult and upsetting and has a knock on effect physically, but I can't allow myself to continue with such a disturbing and destructive relationship, at least in the way it is at present. I've got to change something, for my own sake.

so, now to try to rest and relax a little - watch some tennis(alas no Amelie, but I'll shout for Shreiking Sharapova), and cuddle cats :)

it's helping me just writing it, but to anyone who has read this - thank you....


Anonymous said...

got connected through sock knitters...soft gentle hugs...I have the same problems with my fibro. Its tough to find middle ground on good days so that you have some reserve for a bad day. Hugs..and have a good day, in spite of it all.

Anonymous said...

Today I was feeling a little sorry for myself because I can't go to a weekend class because I can't. I have Lupus (a kind of cousin to fibro) plus other problems and some kind of bug has set up housekeeing in my body and I can't shake it....or it is just the Lupus acting up. I honestly can't tell the difference. Through the socknitters group, I stumbled upon your site and read your Nov 8th blog. I understand completely, I too have overdone it by throwing in a pile of laundry. Or taking a trip to the grocery store. Not fair, but what do you do. The hardest is not being able to do, but the second is people who don't get it and you feel like a useless hunk of protoplasm.
Bottom line, hang in there, remember you are NOT alone and do something fun (socks? reading?) and low energy until the good day comes. It will.

Knitman said...

Unless people have a debilitating disease, that leaves one feeling like they are dying but looking well, they will not understand UNLESS they are empathetic and perhaps know you well. I ma lucky. My friends and my partner can all SEE when my FMS or OA or RA or whatever is bad. In fact, they tell ME when to stop or slow down.
Good for you for finding the strength to separate yourself from a toxic person. Best thing for you. No need for guilt. You are NOT here to suffer abuse silently, no matter what the other person's problems may be.

KC said...

Dear wee one,
I want to offer my encouragement in detatching from a Vamp person. Not repeating past patterns is hard, but you sound very focused on doing what is best for you. Way to go:)
Sending you big hugs and warm sunshine from Tucson, AZ. Kathy