Happy St. Andrew's Day!

today, 30th November, is St. Andrew's Day........St Andrew being the Patron Saint of Scotland.

Emotionally - I am up and down: just had a 'happy cry' while watching the very last episode of Voyager, where they return to Earth.....of course, I knew how it ended, seen it before and all that, but just found myself having 'a good greet'(which means a good cry).

And now for something easy but useful - I read a recent post in a knitting group which said that the writer made a scarf as a way of 'swatching'......I HATE swatching, so am about to do this - I want to make myself a long waistcoat with some Regia cotton, and need to try a different size needle, so it seems like a good idea. Have finished the pair of k1p1 scarves for H. and D. but no more k1p1 for a while......

thanks to all who have put messages on here, or emailed me - much appreciated and I want to write back ..am doing so gradually as I'm having a hard time concentrating right now.....but I just wanted to say a big thank you.......it means a lot.......

shutdown

today I just feel as though I'm emotionally shutdown.....and have had a day where I can't concentrate on anything, keep knocking things down, and have got nothing done. I am concentrating on reminding myself that it's natural to have an 'emotional aftershock'.

vindictive, vicious, sarcastic, nasty........

......the compromise I spoke of in an earlier post was not only not respected, but yesterday I received a response to it, which was all of the title and more......showed the person's true colours.

Today I am physically exhausted, but mentally managing better than I would have thought - so far. I just find it difficult to understand and believe how this person can be so horrible. My request was polite, and an attempt at trying to make some sort of possibility of there being a relationship.

My feeling now is that this will not be possible. Wish I could put it into words better......actually I don't have any words for the feelings I have inside right now: it's such a mixture of sadness, bewilderment, upset, anger, and other things that I just can't put a name to. Hurt, of course....but seeing it in its proper light, I suppose.......

yarn, clear clogs, scarf, socks, and a Duchess

firstly, a couple of pictures of the San Francisco Marathon sock yarn:


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next, some pics of the clear clogs......they are actually slightly 'lavender'tinted, but very nice for all that, and I look forward to wearing them in slightly warmer weather :)





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here's a pic of a plain old k1p1 scarf, made in Regia cotton surf.....it's shades of blue and grey, and is for my friend D. : a 'matching' one in shdes of browns for his partner H. is almost finished. I hope to make a wee dog coat for their Yorkshire terrier, too. Not Christmas presents - just 'no reason' presents :) I much prefer that.

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Below is the first one of a pair.....still to be kitchenered, made from Opal(can't remember details, but is green/orange mostly, with spotty dotty bits between.....picture doesn't do it justice, but hey, with what my camera cost, I'm not complaining........on the cuff of the second one.......



(I have finished my first Amelie Mauresmo sock - just got to kitchener it - and took a couple of pics, but am going to wait until the pair is done before posting.......started the second......)

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lastly but not least, a cat pal came out to help with the picture session: I took a quick pic but only got part of her.... beautiful nevertheless.....

The Duchess, making her exit to the left..........


off to knit a bit, and gather my wits.....rather scrambled at the moment, and am doing basic keep going things.......

clogs and wool

Today my clear clogs arrived, plus a ball of wool I'd added. It's Universal Yarns -Wisdom Yarns......San Francisco shade 201
75% Superwash Wool, 25% Polyamide
437 yds / 100 gm Gauge: 6.75-8 sts/inch

those are the 'technical details'.... :)Will try to get a picture of it taken - it's a lovely bright flamboyant mix of colours, from the Marathon cities range. I'd never heard of this wool before, and as I was ordering the clogs anyway, I thought I'd treat myself to a ball of something which I can't get here: not much point in getting something I can buy here - Christmas present to myself.

So......the clogs. Nice, but NOT CLEAR by my definition of clear; they are see through, but have a lilac tint. So although I like them, I'm a bit disappointed......

Now: on to other things; two lots of ebay goodies: some absolutely gorgeous Regia silk in my most favourite colour, scarlet.........


and some more Regia - Kaffe Fassett Landscape Twilight......


so a day of goodies, and I'll have to have a good think as to what to make with the scarlet silk regia......ten balls.....and I'm not a 'socialising' person, so a pretty wrap or shawl wouldn't really be the thing......ideas and suggestions welcome.........

A find in the charity shop

on my way round to the doctor for a tetanus jab(cat claw caught in my finger last night, while trying to catch a cat who was sliding off the back of the couch...not her fault: a deep puncture, ick) I looked in at one of the local charity(thrift?) shops, and headed as usual for the knitting pattern box, where I found a Regia pattern booklet......socks, hats, mitts, jumpers, all sorts of things. All in German :) I know a few words and think it's enough to get by....just delighted to find a Regia pattern booklet!

Fortunately the puncture in the finger is in the middle rather than on the end, as it's my 'needle pushing finger'.......left index.......

a scarf, blogging, and ravelry

just finished a scarf....a plain old k1p1 rib scarf....oh my, how difficult :)

But a very good project for 'mindful mindless knitting', just to keep my hands busy, and my thoughts just centred enough to help them stop wandering, to help me not to dwell on the last week's emotional crap.

(having decided to take the middle way, and take a break of several months from the person I've mentioned before(rather than completely cutting off contact, or doing nothing......a compromise)I did what I had to do, mid week, and have found myself emotionally drained and just a bit lost since then. And physically tired, so very very tired......

so the scarf has been a very good thing indeed. Finished it tonight. Regia cotton surf color, shades of blue, for a friend, and I'm doing a matching one in browns for his partner.

The Regia was absolutely wonderful to work with - soft and gentle and nothing like I've found cotton previously. Beautiful - would recommend it. But I'm a big fan of Regia in general.

And if I can concentrate to manage, I'd like to do a wee coat for their dog - a Yorkie. I've got some Noro in a lovely shade of red which would make up quickly and I think it would suit her very well.

Blogging is lovely: not just writing, but looking for and choosing little bits and pieces to make it look welcoming and attractive. I'm just starting out, and it takes time - time which I enjoy; it's new, and fresh, and interesting.

So.......I signed up for Ravelry a while back, got my invite yesterday, and have signed in......but having had a quick look, I'll just be browsing a little there for now. I wanted to see what it was like, and maybe I will do more there sometime, but for now blogging is my new thing to learn, and if I add Ravelry to that I'll never get any knitting done, and that's a no-no.......

so I'm off to knit a bit - Amelie sock, I think, plus a bit of the second scarf. That, with Melissa Etheridge in my earphones, makes for a peaceful feeling.

My favourite has just started......."Silent Legacy".........

Turkish Toe

I've been wanting to try toe-up socks for some time, but couldn't find a cast on which appealed.......tonight I googled 'toe-up cast on' and found just what I needed on FluffyKnitterDeb's blog: a very interesting and helpful blog to read through too....

her instructions for a Turkish toe-up cast on were so well explained, and well illustrated: a pleasure to read and learn from.

so I now have a cast on toe-up sock, in Opal Prisma, an orangey shade, on my new Knit Picks 2.5s.......feeling quite pleased with that, as it's always a good feeling to achieve something new, and especially after this week being so heavy physically and emotionally.

I'm hoping to have a 'photography session' in the next few days - take advantage of daylight and get some pictures of a few things, including a sock ready to be kitchenered, and a pair of scarves, as well as some other bits and pieces.... so please look in ...... comments most welcome.....

trying to catch up with myself

have been itching to blog, and email, and read, and knit, and generally do all the things I enjoy doing, but this has been a week of things getting in the way: a bundle bits and pieces of health issues, all at once - fibro flare/sinusitis/headache/bout of IBS among others, which stopped me doing most of my regular wee things.

Also - the emotional problem; this week I took steps to try to help myself. Rather than a complete cutting of ties with the person concerned, I have stated that I wish to have a break from communications for six months. It felt like a compromise between doing nothing(which was not an option, for my sanity's sake) and completely cutting off.....which remains an option if this 'break' doesn't help. Anyway, I have done something.

I'm also catching up with myself mentally - emotional things tend to make me woolly headed(no pun intended)and forgetful, so it's just a case of doing a little at a time.

I have lots of things I want to photograph, but will wait and have a 'photo session' ......meantimes will be carrying on with some easy things already on the go......

Knit Picks

arrived today......were on back order, and I'm trying to decide what to start - sock? Sock? Sock? Sock.......now which one.......

I love the purple cords on them.......am 'itching' to get started but want to make sure I'm doing something on the 'to do' list, rather than just grabbing whatever and having a bash - a little patience, and thought.......

meantime, making headway on my Amelie Mauresmo socks(named for her as they are in a gorgeous shade of salmon/peach/coral, which was her last season's shade of outfit) ......turned the heel yesterday, picked up the stitches, and am ready for the next bit......

I really must bash on with them, as I've also got the wool to make a pair in the colours she was wearing earlier in the year - cerise (nearest shade on the colour picker - darker than that)with lemon piping.......I love colour........

all of this is helping keep the mind and body gently occupied......keeping the 'demons' at bay, or at least at arms length, and my thoughts focused......

Tiger feet....

it didn't dawn on me until after I had photographed this - I should have put something beside it to show size comparison: it's a baby sock, about six months' size. I made it as an experimant, based on a pattern from 'Vogue: On The Go! Socks Two' in the hopes of making some more, and donating them to Lothian Cat Rescue to sell to make some money for them. I thought I could label them as 'Tiny Tabby Feet'' or similar....appeal to cat people(being one myself lol)

Unfortunately I'm stuck on having only made one at the moment - hopefully will get some more done! I thought that 'wee tiger feet' might be something which would be a fundraiser.

I used a set of ebony dpns which are lovely(they are only 10cm long......I still can't 'think ' in centimetres, and when I ordered them, didn't realise quite how short they were - they're actually marked as 'glove knitting needles')

Anyway, size 2.5, using Opal Tiger. The needles themselves are lovely, and really nice to use for such a little thing - the difficulty I had was that some of the patterning in the wool was quite dark and I found it hard to see. So, when I make more - and I intend to! - I'll use 2.5 Addi circs......been converted to circs since I made this anyway..but I do like the little ebony needles. They do feel very comfy to use.

The maker is 'Susanne's' and I got them from scottishfibres.co.uk, who are lovely to deal with - friendly and helpful and have lots of knitting and spinning goodies. Well worth a look.

And on that note I am off to dig out some 2,5 circs and start tiger foot 2......

weary, emotionally and physically.......

not a very good day, in that I'm feeling washed out and exhausted from overdoing things yesterday......the trouble with fibromyalgia is(or can be, for me)that when I have a day where I'm feeling good and full of energy, I try to cram too much into it....and in this case too much was only doing some washing and hanging it up, and some tidying up.

I know how ridiculous that sounds - saying that is 'too much' and 'overdoing it', and I also know that some people don't believe me. It is, however, a fact. I've been more or less called a liar by family members. This does not help.....upsetting in itself, and I sometimes fall back into feeling 'guilty' for being this way...I try not to, but it's difficult.

The emotional situation which I spoke of in an earlier post - involving a close family member, with whom I have to break my ties, at the very least for a few months, to try to gain some emotional recovery and a bit of strength(this person is an emotonal vampire.....drains every tiny bit of strength I have, wants more, and when I can't give what is asked for, will/cannot understand. She was a huge cause of my breakdown several years ago, and I feel myself headed in that direction once more, and so I'm trying to avoid that, as no matter how many times I try to explain my situation there is no progress, and I can no longer keep up the 'fight', for that's what it feels like )....that situation is also bringing me down, but it would be far worse to let it go on as it is; that just is not an option.

so it's difficult and upsetting and has a knock on effect physically, but I can't allow myself to continue with such a disturbing and destructive relationship, at least in the way it is at present. I've got to change something, for my own sake.

so, now to try to rest and relax a little - watch some tennis(alas no Amelie, but I'll shout for Shreiking Sharapova), and cuddle cats :)

it's helping me just writing it, but to anyone who has read this - thank you....

tennis from 2006

tried an experiment - I was watching the repeat of last year's final of the end of season women's tennis championships this afternoon, between Amelie Mauresmo and Justine Henin, and tried taking some photos.

Here's Amelie getting ready to serve........


and here's her long-suffering coach, looking on anxiously.......wonder why he has no hair....... :)


alas, she didn't win, but she had lots of fans there........


Allez, indeed, Amelie......always a champion, win or lose the match!

thank you!

to all the kind folks who sent blog messages and emails......I'm as chuffed as anything: just thinking about people reading it is lovely, but the kind comments were just so nice. Thank you all so much.

this blog thing is addictive.....I'm enjoying it so much; there are so many things involved - it's fun to tinker and potter and add things, and try to make it look attractive. I look forward to blethering more about all kinds of things, including some things which I don't do a lot, but enjoy - such as tatting - and some which I no longer do but loved when I did, such as bobbin lacemaking. I also used to do my own lace bobbins, painting tiny pictures, or quotations; I still have some somewhere and I'll try to find them and see if I can get some pictures up of them.

oh, and something I hope to try very soon - spinning; I have the spindle, and stuff to spin.....now I just need to leap in and try it :)

my first real sock :)

done in regia ...... photographed with the new camera: not bad for £11.99(the camera, not the sock!)

the idea is that I'll have a try with it and then if I get bitten by the photographic bug I can consider something more fancy schmancy...but this will do me fine for now. Just doing it is an achievement.

I knitted a pair of fingerless mitts for my friend in Canada......alas before I got the camera: it would have been nice to be a show off

doing this has cheered me up and helped me keep going with little bits and pieces - blogging has effects I had not realised. It really doesn't matter if no-one else ever reads this......it's for me......

keeping going, and ravelry.....

woke today feeling quite panicky and anxious, over yesterday's upset, but I know I still have to deal with the situation and take the difficult but necessary action, which will be painful, but has to be done. So it's all about 'keeping going' right now, and keeping my mind and hands busy with the little ordinary everyday things, so knitting is good for that - simple and colourful and easy.

and after thinking and wondering what the fuss was about, I took the plunge and signed up on Ravelry...and now have to resist the urge to keep checking what 'number' I'm at on the waiting list. :)

never mind, it's fun, and another little thing to help me keep going. I was out for a little while this afternoon, just a short walk to the shops, and on the way back a song came into my head..an old Scots song by Harry Lauder: "Keep Right On Till The End Of The Road". The whole thing seem to play in my head.as though someone was singing it for me, to help me. Maybe sounds silly, but it helped.

emotional meltdown

today is proving to be a very difficult day......without going into specifics, a long term and very problematic relationship with a close family member has taken a turn for the worse, and I am left with very few options; one being having another breakdown(this person was the root cause of one a few years back), the other being my having to accept that perhaps there is no solution other than cutting my ties, for the sake of my sanity.

This may sound melodramatic, but is not - it's a question of survival.

Heavy hearted and very upset, and considering what to do.....